This is How We Entertain Ourselves
by Historia70
Summary: At first in some retrospective thinking between Red and Purple they think of a few old times before imbibing in something that at least entertained them, but a surprise is waiting for them.


**I wanted to try something mostly with Red and Purple instead of tiny little bits and pieces of them inserted in some stories of mines. It is a one shot. **

**We know I don't own Invader Zim.**

* * *

><p>Reading a book and enjoying a tasty snack, that was the way to go. That and he was alone for once. Red breathed in a sigh of contentment as he turned the page while reaching happily into his bag to grab a single chip out. Normally he engorged himself like almost something mindless whilst on the bridge, but in his alone time, he lingered. He savored. The chip had the perfect mix of a tiny bit of saltiness and lots of sweet he enjoyed so much as he placed it in his mouth, closed his eyes, and practically hummed. Oh that hit the spot.<p>

Luxuries seemed few and far between to him. True he had heard tiny murmurings that Purple and himself treated this life of theirs like a personal party. Personal party indeed, he scoffed. They should know better then to talk behind their backs. They had lots of responsibilities. His included seemed to be calming Purple down in his spastic fits. There were more to list, but why? Why when he needed another tasty chip in his mouth right now?

Eyes closed, he reached into the bag to grab for another chip to find it missing. Not daring to open his eyes, he tapped his hand around to find an empty side table before the sound of endless crunching was heard along with the crinkling of the bag. Great! His peace has been destroyed as he slowly opened up his eyes to watch Purple happily tip the bag to his mouth to swallow all the crumbs.

"Well that was rude." Red commented in an irritated tone.

Munching loudly, his companion looked over to him dopily. "Huh?"

Jaw moving back and forth in agitation, Red almost smacked him. He should of, but refused to. "Pray tell, did you bring anymore snacks with you?"

"Ummmm nope. Ate those on the way over here."

Side of his mouth twitching, his fist clenched. "I wanted to be alone. I did tell you this, Pur."

"Yeah, but I didn't." He looked innocent, but stupid looking with the chip dust around his mouth.

Red sighed as he called up to bring more snacks to them, he tried to read his book again when his friend's head started to look over his arm to see what he was reading. "Purple, if you want to read, then find a book to read."

Going back into his chair and leaning back to cross his arms over his chest like some petulant smeet, he complained, "Well I don't want to read."

"Then what do you want to do?" Red wondered patiently.

"I wanted to talk to you. Isn't that so hard?"

Closing his book, Red turned back to regard him again with these hopeful eyes. "We talk all the time."

"Yeah I know, but it is on the bridge, but hardly alone." Head down he picked at his digit.

Red wanted to respond to that, but the door sliding open with someone bringing in lots of snacks for them interrupted him. Nodding at the tiny thing, it left the room. "You've been bored lately it seems. I noticed."

"You've been bored too." Purple pointed out.

"True, but I hardly think pouting about things will help though."

Putting some donuts on his one claw alone, Purple mindlessly chomped away in obvious deep thought. Feeling it was fine for him to get his chance at some snacks, Red reached down to grab at some more chips, and tore into them. He was sure many would think of Purple as a pure dolt with thoughts of... Really no thoughts, but he did have them. They just operated on two separate systems entirely. Hearing laughing, Red glanced over to him thinking that is not a laugh of someone with any deep thoughts today.

"Hey! Hey, remember how much of a pain, Zim was, but at least he did provide us some entertainment?" Purple spat out some crumbs from his mouth as he sputtered in his laughter. "Meat fusion. HA!"

First Red smiled at the memory before his companions uproarious laughter got the better of him making him double over with laughter. "That was still the best. Oh and remember how he still thought his base was still so impenetrable, but it was invaded by a circus. That weird creature pulling at his antennas making him scream and run around was just so... So..." Trailing off in his laughing he spilled his chips.

"Or when we told him his mission was a fake and that finally dumbfounded expression on his face slowly went from happy to oh kill me now." Slapping his arm rest, Purple threw himself back into the chair almost toppling it over.

Slapping his hand on Purple's arm, he almost laughed at watching him get startled by the touch. "The live shows were always better then the ones on tape. Though I don't really miss the pain, but it does get boring sometimes."

Wiping a mock tear away from his eye, Purple asked in a almost surprisingly calm way, "Do you think we should check up on him to see if he is alive or still destroyed?"

Calming down quickly, Red thought about the implications to that call. "If we do it might encourage him to call us though."

"True, but we will just block him." Purple pointed out.

"Yeah we could do that." Clicking his tongue in thought, Red's smile lit up his face. "Oh I hope he is destroyed by us still."

"So are we actually gonna do this?"

Red laughed at his friend jumping around in his seat. "It will bring us joy, Pur. So let us do it."

Bringing up a screen, Red requested a patch through to Zim's base. Hearing the okay, Red and Purple were going through so many variables of what he might be doing. They hoped he wasn't in another bear suit. It really wasn't that funny that one compared to so many. In truth both of them were grinning widely in their excitement when mere moments ago all, Red wished to do was relax. Hearing the call being answered they went serious expecting Zim in the image. What they saw though was someone dressed all in black with their head covered over. They couldn't make out if that was Zim or not since nothing was identifying him readily.

"Uh.. Is this Zim?" Red inquired.

The voice was almost dead. Toneless when it replied. "No it is not. Who may I say is calling?"

Refusing to lose himself to this stranger, Red continued. "I am Tallest Red and over here is Tallest Purple. Where is Zim?"

"Out."

"Out where?"

"Doing research." The way the hooded figure said it made it sound like the most obvious answer around to anyone.

"And you are?" Purple wondered.

"I am one of his creations."

"What is your purpose? Shouldn't you be out there instead of him?" Red questioned with one narrowed eye.

Standing up a bit straighter the figure still didn't give away what they looked like, but the tone of voice became different. Possibly playful, but still a little dead. "Research is not my purpose. My purpose is more... How should I say? Recreational."

Leaning forward, Purple was confused. "Uh, when you say recreational you mean..."

"I'm here for his private interfacing."

Red and Purple blinked more than a few times. Did that thing mean what they thought it meant?

"Are you meaning...?" Red couldn't finish the sentence.

Tone of voice became a bit more sensual as it sounded breathy, but still had a dangerous undertone to it. "Exactly."

Mouths dropping open Red and Purple were just speechless. "So do you ever go out?" Red asked.

"Hardly."

"Why is that?"

Still with the same sensual tone, they could now tell it was a female speaking. "I enjoy eating flesh. He feels it is best for me to stay indoors. You know... To pleasure him."

Purple almost threw up his donut he just ate. "Isn't uh, Zim afraid you'll eat his flesh?"

"No." Came the casual response.

"And why is that?"

The creature starting to breath as if excited in its thought process. "He's safe because I seem to enjoy eating the flesh off of..."

Both Red and Purple leaned in to hear the answer. They were scared to hear it, but at the same time intrigued.

"Much taller beings." Came the reply as the hand moved down the side of her body then across her stomach. "Something about really tall beings it makes their flesh taste oh so delicious."

"I think I threw up a little in my mouth." Purple whispered glancing away from the screen.

Red refused to relent. "Tell me... Creature. Why hasn't, Zim fixed you?"

Removing the hand away from the stomach area, the deadless tone came back. "It wasn't always like this. I was always perfect before, but a lightening strike damaged me. Caused a glitch to make me desire flesh. My Master tried in vain to fix me, but couldn't. It got worse." There was a pause. "I think he was most upset that he lost his interfacer so he figured if that is just the one glitch he can work with it seeing he is safe from me."

Clearing his throat, Red hated to ask, but did. "Do you enjoy that with him?"

Breathing hard again, her voice turned sensual. "The way he makes me feel when he..."

"OKAY! Okay. We got it." Red had to catch his breath between a flesh eating robot and her performing that act with Zim of all creatures.

"You told me you are the Tallests."

Red and Purple heard her as they cleared a bit from their hazed shock. "Yeah we are." Red told her.

Placing her hand on her stomach again she was breathing in anticipation. "That means if I was able to meet you I would enjoy every little piece of you I could find. Mmmm."

Eyes wide, Red went to reach for the button. "All right then! No need to tell Zim we called and uh it has been particularly distur... I mean interesting to talk to you. Bye!" Cutting off the communication he tried to catch his breath. "What the heck was that?! Zim is demented!"

"Oh Irk. I'm really sick now, Red. Get these snacks away from me." Leaning over to the side, Purple vomited.

"Hey Gaz. What are you doing with my hoodie on?" Zim wondered as he strolled up to her. "Not that I'm complaining."

Taking the hood down, she smiled at him. "Was a bit chilly in here and I forgot to bring something."

Eyeing her diminutive form in it, he grinned at how she was practically swimming in it. "At least it will have my, Gaz-humans scent on it." Tossing something aside, he just continued eyeing her. "Were you speaking to the Computer?"

"No. Those jerks called. The Tallests."

"They called and you didn't alert me? Neither one of you alerted me?" Zim glanced up at the screen wondering if he should call them back, but thought against it. "Eh, who cares? It was probably to see if they can humiliate me more." Studying his normally quiet mate, he was curious. "What did you say to them?"

Smirking, she told him exactly what she said wondering how he would take it.

Back on the Massive, Red and Purple were still stunned, but with clearer heads they felt that perhaps they were being made fools of themselves for once. There is no way Zim was capable of doing that. He was inept. Buffoonish really. So they both agreed to patch another communications through only to have their jaws smacked to the floor when they saw Zim handling his little creation on top of his own table where all they saw was just naked skin. Quickly shutting it off, Red kicked over the cart full of snacks as both their spooches rebelled against them.

They vowed never to call back there for a long, long time.


End file.
